What We Understand Better Now that We’re Older

This started out as a journal entry when I turned 40. But then, as I celebrate friends' birthdays, I thought these thoughts would be an encouraging gift on significant birthdays.  

At 40, we understand that God’s plan is not past tense or hidden in the obscure future. 

It is continuous. Current.  It is to live this day: within these circumstances, in this obedience.  Embracing the ever-unfolding plan.  At 40, isn’t it great to stretch out in the assurance of His security and be willing to savor today for what it is, not running ahead in anticipation of some future satisfaction nor lagging behind in the paralysis of the past?  Today, let’s listen to our lives and see it for its fathomless mystery—in the boredom and pain of it no less than in the holy and hidden heart of it.  Because in the last analysis, life itself is charis—a gift. 

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.” Proverbs 31:24

At 40, we understand better what it means to be part of the fellowship of the unashamed. 

•  We have stepped over the line.  Made the decision.  We’re followers of Jesus Christ.  We won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

• Our pasts are redeemed, our present makes sense, our future is secure.

• We’re done with sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, and dwarfed goals.

• We now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

• Our faces are set, our gait is fast, our goal is heaven, our road is narrow, our way rough, our Guide reliable, our mission clear.

• We will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

• We won’t give up, shut up, let up, until we have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ.

• We are followers of Jesus.  We must go till He comes, give till we drop, proclaim till all know, and work till He stops us.

^“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14

At 40, we understand better that difficult times are by God’s appointment. 

            In His will, God brings us to straight places.  By the time we’re 40, we learn to rest in that fact.  In that straight place, He will teach us things we couldn’t learn anywhere else.  We know God will keep us there in His love and in His protection, giving us the courage and grace to emerge unscarred.  In His good time He will bring us out again—how and when only He knows. 

We need not worry about our tears during worship, Kath.  God loves us tender-hearted.  He hears the words behind the tears.

“He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” Psalm 23:3

At 40, we understand better that the secret to contentment is humility.

It’s a course requirement.  Consider what situation you wish was different in God’s plan for you right now.  By 40, at least we know we should accept it as the exact gift He wants to give us.  That means we must drop the expectation that we’re gripping and stand with open hands to receive God’s choice.  Whew—humility.

For me, contentment’s largest hurdle is living solo.  Turning 40 used to seem like the deadline. 

Until recently, I went to church out of obedience, not love.  It was at church I was reminded of what God has chosen to withhold.  To stand in worship beside someone who loved God more than anything. . . and then me, next—what could be better?

But once I gave up on the whining and the pining, I discovered a companionship in His constant presence that I think those married miss out on.  Marriage is still God’s plan, yet by design or default, I am experiencing another kind of fellowship.  And in some moments along the way, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  But as I’ve quit the whining and the pining, I’ve come to see this gift as something more than just a grit-your-teeth and get through it lifestyle.  With contentment has come a tangible companionship with the Lord that those married know nothing about. Marriage is still God’s plan, but whether by design or default, I am experiencing a different kind of fellowship.  And at times, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Humility isn’t always bowing your head, sometimes it’s lifting your face . . .  and smiling.

“Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God” 1 Peter 5:6

At 40, we understand better that the women on the cover of magazines have been airbrushed. 

Too often, women are measured by the things we can not control.  The way our body curves or doesn’t curve—by where we are flat, straight, or round.  We’re measured in inches, ages, and numbers.  By the outside things that don’t add up to who we are on the inside. 

So if women are to be measured at all, let us be measured by the things we can control.  By who we are and who we are trying to become.  To whom we conform our image. Because as every woman knows, measurements are only statistics and statistics lie.  God’s truth about a woman’s measurements abides, even after 40.  These scriptural measurements capture you, my friend:

“Your adornment must not be merely external . . . but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” 2 Peter 3:3-4

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

At 40, we understand better that life isn’t to be lived alone.

We’ve lived long enough to recognize the selfishness of isolation—daring to come close to others only to suit yourself.  By the time we’re 40, we’ve made it our mission to find people to love, and hopefully some who will love us back.  I’ve learned that true hospitality is making room inside yourself for someone else.  And making room inside your family for those who would be alone.  And making room at your table for those who are hungry—many times for more than food. 

We’ve discovered, haven’t we?, that love is not leisure, it is work.  It’s tireless in forgiving.  Remembering.  Speaking.  Giving.  Hugging.  Listening.  Receiving.  Celebrating. 

            And so as not to be like a river that always is running and giving, the Lord fills our reservoir with people who will love us and fill our reserve, so we can continue to overflow to others. 

At 40, you realize God is faithful to give you in every stage of life:

somebody who . . . loves you for who you are

. . . celebrates your successes and lends perspective to the failures

. . . thinks of you and smiles

. . . wants to be your shoulder to cry on

. . . wants to have a lot of fun with you

. . . shows up and listens and sometimes laughs/sometimes cries

. . . prays for you—sincerely and faithfully

. . . shares your dreams for you and those you love

. . . confronts you about the sin that’s hurting you/keeping you

from growing

. . . can’t wait to see you

. . . trusts you

. . . helps you to trust God more.

“Two are better than one . . . for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.” Ecclesiastes 4:9

At 40, we understand we need wisdom more than we need a bigger house, bigger boobs, or bigger paychecks.  Bigger isn’t better.  Wiser is.

By 40, we’ve learned a lot by experience and some by observation.  We’ve known enough people who have lived in the manic pursuit of the next promotion to know it means nothing if one afternoon you blow an aneurysm or find a lump in your breast.  By 40, we’ve lost someone we love and have been broken by the brevity of this life.  As painful as it is, the reality helps us ‘number our days’ and ‘apply our hearts to wisdom.’ 

So as women who love God’s Word, let this be our prayer for the rest of our days—“Lord, apply our hearts to wisdom.”

Dear Lord,

Help us . . . to fear You more than anything since “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10

Help us . . . to be women of prayer since “the prayer of the upright is His

delight.” 15:8

Help us . . . to choose Your way “for wisdom is better than jewels; and all

            desirable things cannot compare with her.”  8:11

Help us . . . to be humble before You. “But with the humble is wisdom.” 11:2

Help us . . . to receive Your correction. “The rod and reproof give wisdom.” 

29:15

Help us  . . . to find our delight in You. “You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” Psalm 16:11

For the last 40 years, Lord, we are grateful.  We entrust the next 40 years to You.  We’ve tasted Your goodness and it has both satisfied us and made us thirsty for more.  Whatever joy we have found already in this life can’t compare to what You have in store for the millions of years that follow our last breath.  Remind us that this life is a vapor and that real life waits up ahead.  Amen.